I Wanted to Tell You Good Morning.

Rainwashed cold world at firstlight made breathing easy, grey wisp clouds still lifting away from the ground.

Running Away Worked For Her.

I stayed home sick yesterday. Watched Out of Africa, about a woman who leaves Denmark right before the First World War and starts a new life in Kenya. She observes "When God wants to punish us, He answers our prayers."

Now, I don't believe in a god, but somehow that still seems true.

I Don't Believe My Conscience Will Ever Be Clear Again

I've been blocking it all out lately. I don't want to process or analyze or even remember.

Today I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, to figure out what they were. I was selfish. So was he. I screamed to get my way. He screamed back. I was crying. He was indifferent.

I picked up the nearest thing I could and threw it hard. It hit him.

Maybe my wall finally shattered. I don't know what to do with all this glass. I can't remember ever being so embarrassed.

I'm sorry. This is an apology to him, as well as myself.

Ted Kooser Taught Me How To Enjoy A Birthday.

From an adrenaline fueled storm of heart beats beneath superficial lights, breathing in smoke and gasoline, breathing in the thrum of engines, to the cool shade of a tree on the edge of a field, face down in the freshly cut grass in the afternoon where my heart must have stopped. I'd forgotten how tired just living makes me.

I've woken up though, it's morning, cold and bright. And it's my birthday. That doesn't happen all too often.

Whenever it's anyone else's birthday, I'll ask them if they feel any older, half jokingly, but they never say yes. If someone were to ask me, I think I'd always say yes.

A beautiful friend of mine recently said something that really resonated in me, " I must be young if I can still get excited about feeling old."