I can hardly wait for this year to finally be over. It's dragged on and on for what feels like eternities.
Through all the heartbreak, betrayal, depression, graduations, travels, responsibilities, goodbyes and letdowns; now all I can think about is how much I want it to be over.
I look at pictures of myself from a year ago and I can see the change in my eyes. I've been through so much tough stuff, I've learned so much going through it all.
I still want those friends back, and sure, I still wish he'd love me, but now I'm at peace with what happened.
Part of me keeps looking for signs that I'm moving on, but maybe that's not what I need.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Walking By
Maybe the reason I leave all these stories unfinished is because I have no firefly stare. Maybe it's because I don't need to finished them.
Or maybe they don't have ends.
It's hard to watch everybody else walking past me with somewhere to go. While I let him sing me to sleep and I whisper goodbyes.
Or maybe they don't have ends.
It's hard to watch everybody else walking past me with somewhere to go. While I let him sing me to sleep and I whisper goodbyes.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Like A Flame
The hope was like a flame, burning in the back of my mind all along. The light emitted was so dim that it took me a while to even realize it was there at all.
There are so few things in life that we can control, maybe it's all that we can do to hope.
I'm trying to figure out this whole thing, how it works, if it's even half as real as I want it to be. Maybe it's his character; who he is, how he thinks, what he says, that makes me want to know him better. I need someone to love me as a friend. I'm not asking for more. It's what I'd wanted to explain, what I meant for him to know.
I had all of this hope and I took a chance that I wasn't ready for. The flame was blown out and the hope is gone and I'm lost in the dark. Explain it to me.
Please let him know that I just needed a friend.
Right now, it's all I could hope for.
There are so few things in life that we can control, maybe it's all that we can do to hope.
I'm trying to figure out this whole thing, how it works, if it's even half as real as I want it to be. Maybe it's his character; who he is, how he thinks, what he says, that makes me want to know him better. I need someone to love me as a friend. I'm not asking for more. It's what I'd wanted to explain, what I meant for him to know.
I had all of this hope and I took a chance that I wasn't ready for. The flame was blown out and the hope is gone and I'm lost in the dark. Explain it to me.
Please let him know that I just needed a friend.
Right now, it's all I could hope for.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
If I Make it Through December I'll be Fine
I hate how wrong it feels to me when I'm genuinely happy.
I hear it all the time "just don't think". When I think about it too much the magic goes away and it's the cold truth staring back at me that I can't handle.
When you're about to give up, try to remember why you've been holding on so long.
As much faith as I want to put in that, there has to be a point when I need to move on.
Maybe I should find someone else to love.
I hear it all the time "just don't think". When I think about it too much the magic goes away and it's the cold truth staring back at me that I can't handle.
When you're about to give up, try to remember why you've been holding on so long.
As much faith as I want to put in that, there has to be a point when I need to move on.
Maybe I should find someone else to love.
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