The Bus Ride Home

Whatever you may think, I've never been one for giving in to the ways things should be. I can sit comfortably in a corner alone, something usually frowned upon in today's society, and just let my mind wander for hours. I don't try to control where and where not my mind might take me, as do most people. Maybe they don't do it on a conscious level, but they do. They avoid the suffering, pain, anger, jealousy and fear by pushing it to the back of their minds, where it stays forever disguised as a different emotion. I've learned that such things never go away unless confronted. At such a young age, sometimes it seems like there's too much pain and and suffering in my mind that others don't experience. Or maybe they just haven't excepted it's presence yet?
Just this afternoon, as I let myself unwind after a long day, my mind brought me to a painful place. It was there that I realized that slowly, I'm turning into the person I'd most hate to be. It's little things mostly, similar aspirations, a new interest in a band or just the use of an expression, that I've realized are practically identical to their own. It's a scary thought for me to just maybe, be turning out like this other person and telling myself that I am my own, unique person hasn't helped. I'm almost under a spell where i don't realize the hypocrisy of it all, and the irony; when i finally come to a better place in my life, I start sliding down again into what I've just escaped. But I've now admitted to and confronted my fear and like so many times before this, it will soon start to fade.