Hospitals and Spirals

I don't even know why I'm so scared anymore. The more I think about it, the less sense I can make of it.
When I tell myself to grow up and be brave, it makes it that much worse because I can't do it.
People are asking what's wrong and I'm not so sure I know either.

Aftermath

Twenty days ago at this time, I broke my promise. I wish I could say I wasn't hurting anybody but myself, but that's definitely not true.
I thought I'd be able to start over but nothing has really changed since that night.
I thought that people remember better. Maybe they didn't think I was serious. Maybe they were just as scared.