Solid Ground

"I look at you and see a friend, I hope that's what you want to be."
It amazed me today, as I opened my heart and let the memories come pouring out, the way it felt to remember without trying protecting myself.
Crying, thinking back to those times, I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction.
Things in my life have been so amazing lately that, until recently, I hadn't given that time in my life much thought.
It felt so healthy to go back, to learn from the pain I've felt in the past. And then, as hard it was, admit to everything that had happened, especially to someone who'd had such an impact.
I realized that I've forgiven myself for nearly everything and I'm ready for my life to move forward, but always keeping what happened as a part of me.
I hope that we've done the right thing and I hope we're friends, now and for a long time.

The Moment That Never Lasts

I love when I wake up just as light is seeping onto the horizon. I pull myself out of bed and without thinking, draw myself to the window. Sometimes I'm awakened by the songs the birds sing in anticipation of the dawn.
I open my door cautiously to avoid any unnecessary noise and step out into the hall. After checking that I am the only one awake I go down the stairs one at a time, keeping a hand on each wall for balance; still, I'm not fully awake.
I hold my breath as I open the front door. The hinges creak loudly, but in relativity to the waking earth. The air is cooler and crisper than yesterday's and it feels good to breathe. The infinite sky is so incredibly clear that I can feel it open my mind.
I step out onto the east-facing porch and watch in awe as the fiery orb of sun breaks the horizon and streaks the skies with pale pink and golden light.
It doesn't feel real at all, it's all far too beautiful. Maybe it's not real. I never want to find out.
But there it is before me every so often, the moment that never lasts.

Homesick

Today is the first time I've been homesick in a long time. I guess the funny thing is that I'm sitting in my room at my house, the same house I've lived in my entire life. I'm longing for a place that I've only stayed, at most, a few weeks at a time.
The things that drive me crazy are the little reminders of how much I miss it there, how much I miss them.
I watch the intensely green leaves of trees blowing in the hot summer wind. I still taste the cold, sour lemonade and feel the heat of the bonfire on my face. I remember the feeling of belonging as I sat in the cool grass beneath a sky full of brilliant fireworks.
It makes me want to catch the next flight out of here.
Maybe home isn't really where you live but where your heart is. I leave myself asking, why does my heart have to be so far away?