For The Last Time

Goodbyes are a bittersweet part of life. Everyone says them, sometimes they're for better, sometimes for worse. Real goodbyes are forever.
Tonight I said goodbye to someone who had a huge impact on my life. She was an amazing friend until she betrayed me just a few months ago. I told her it'd take time but I'd try to forgive her, but I guess I never really could. When I got really depressed, I thought she understood me the best so I talked to her instead of my best friends. I made a terrible, dangerous mistake by doing that. Now, I can't blame her for my actions but she put the idea in my head.
After months of healing, tonight I knew it was time to say goodbye to her, for the last time.
I thanked her for the terrible memories.
At first I had an adrenaline rush as I realized that I could finally end a miserable chapter of my life, but now I feel sick. I feel guilty for not making it work but I wonder if it ever could after what happened.
I know I can't go back, and I wouldn't if I could. What's done is what had to be done.
We've said goodbye and now we'll both be on our way.

Not Fair

Life isn't fair. It's a saying that is so painfully truthful, nobody is willing to accept it. Maybe it should be fair, but that doesn't change a thing. Sometimes it's just the way things are.
Personally, I think it relates to jealousy; "Why is she blond, thin and rich? She's only a kid. What had she done to deserve it?"
Of course, we have no control over what kind of family we're born into or our genes and sometimes that makes it that much worse. "She has luck and I don't."
It's not an easy thing to do but maybe if we trained ourselves not to be jealous, it wouldn't matter as much if life was fair.

Love Makes Strange Enemies

It has been almost a year now since I was so afraid of getting hurt that through many misunderstandings, I taught myself to hate somebody. It truly was self-defense because previously I'd sent myself into depression over this person and I couldn't let myself go through it again, but it was the wrong way of dealing with it.
In recent weeks, the situation changed greatly. I no longer needed to protect myself as closely and we began communicating more and more. With things becoming clearer I felt a sense of relief, saw another, better side to this person that I'd previously made myself ignore.
Talking, joking with this person now, it feels like I'm finally getting some closure in an empty area that I'd forgotten about.
I love this feeling.

Standing There Alone

Sometimes I cannot wait until I'm older, until I'm independent and can move far away from this place. I watch the clock, the time move by so slowly I want to scream. When I realize this, I'm always afraid that someday I'll look back on my life and only remember waiting for something better to come along in my life, rather than enjoying what I could at the time.
So even though there are wars raging in the world, fights in my family, friends that I'm losing, I took a few moments today to take a deep breath while I watched the yellow daisies swaying in the hot breeze as the sun sank out of sight. It was nice, but somehow, it didn't feel right.

With Graduation Coming Near

Some nights are just beautiful. Surrounded by the people you love, laughing and dancing and hugging, when all grudges are pushed aside and everyone is glowing, when the end is in sight and you're trying to take in the last golden moments before it's over. I love them all.