Sunshine and Sad Songs

Sitting up in bed while I should be asleep, sometimes I think about the day that has just passed. Maybe parts of it felt sluggish or maybe it felt like I just woke up.
It wasn't seconds, or minutes, or hours, it was a whole day of my life that I will never get back. I guess I rarely have what most people call "good days".
On the contrary, sometimes my day is full of bad news or annoyances but i still don't call it a "bad day".
I guess I avoid labeling "good days" and "bad days". To me they can just be "days" and I take them as they are.

What's Done is What Had to Be Done

There is no such thing as wasted time. People say they'd give anything to go back in time to change the things they regret, but that's something I would never do.
We learn from the mistakes we make, no matter how big or small. I'm learning not to regret anymore. Regret is just a habit that will drive you crazy and hold you back. Admit that you made a wrong choice, but don't let yourself want to change anything. Accept what has happened and move on.

In a Moment

More than once in the past week, have I realized how little I know about some of my friends that I've always considered close.
In a moment you can watch a constant in your life dissolve before your eyes and it's hard to believe what you are seeing.
Or maybe it's not hard, maybe it's just that you don't like what you see.

Did You Know I Miss You?

Sometimes I miss the people that I see nearly every day. I guess I don't miss them, I miss who they used to be, or who I used to be when I was with them.
Change is hard to deal with. It's all around us, all the time and there's nothing in the world that can stop it. Resisting change is something we all do on a subconscious level. We don't want to grow up and grow apart from the things and people we are comfortable with, but fact is, we have to.
Wishing isn't going to make it go away.
Some things, though, last forever. Like true friendships.
I rediscovered one tonight. And it feels good.

Upside-down

Tentatively, I sat down on the old swing. So many memories. I hadn't been there in a while.
I rocked back and forth gently, not letting my feet touch the ground. The light in the sky was fading but the air was still heavy with heat. Birds sang their evening songs. Summer's coming.
I'd forgotten the world world could feel this slow, this peaceful, this good.
I leaned back so that my curls brushed the grass on the ground and my legs wrapped around the ropes that suspended the swing.
I let my arms fall down and my fingers run through the cool grass.
The sky above me was infinite. Maybe I was a little jealous.

Like a Diamond in the Sky

"Star light, star bright,

The first star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight."

"The first star you see may not me a star."

As a little kid I never made frivolous wishes. I never wanted a new doll or a pony. Sure sometimes I'd wish that I could fly but mostly I'd wish for two things; that I would someday fall in love and world peace.

As immature or naive as you may think it, I still wish on stars. It's okay if the wishes I make will never come true, however realistic they might seem to anyone else. A wonderful friend once told me that it was okay to waste wishes on things that may never come true and those words will never leave me.

Sometimes the first star you see isn't really a star. All too often it's a planet you're seeing. I'd tell you how to tell the difference so that you might know if what you're looking at is a star or planet, but I don't want you to know. I want you to keep the magic inside of yourself instead of worrying about the truth.

But now, what should I do? Wish on the second star instead?

Show Me That I'm Wrong

For awhile now, and as much as I've wanted to, I haven't been able to believe in the concept of falling in love. It just doesn't make sense to me.
I think it's kind of made up; overrated, like people convince themselves they've fallen in love because they want it so bad. It wouldn't be the first time mankind had wanted to believe in something so badly that they lived their lives around something completely false. And so a question arises, why do they convince themselves that all they need in life, is to fall in love?
Just a few months ago, I admit, I was like that too but after a series of unpleasant events in my life, I was forced to realize that there is a major difference between loving somebody and being in love. I realized that loving somebody is what I'd been doing all along and that I should no longer need anything else. But it still left me with an empty feeling. So what does that mean?
Is falling in love true or imagined?
I guess I have no choice but to wait and see.

Suspended in the Cosmos

Too many people come to know that, in the greater scheme of things, they are nothing. That when they die, life will go on for billions of other people; it may not be easy for some, but it will go on all the same. They will tell themselves that they are a minuscule spec of nothing, floating in a vast universe, that will eventually disappear forever; that will eventually be forgotten forever. And if they think this way, they most likely will.
Still, that doesn't mean that they have to be right.

Spinning Circles Beneath the Sky

You really never know how others see you. You might have an idea, but in most cases, it's not the right one. If you're not happy with the way people think of you, especially the people who don't really know you, you try to change your appearance.
Last summer, I was with a group of friends having a really good time. We were at a pool, running around, talking, and laughing at everything.
One of my friends came over to me and said "Nobody at school would believe that you are ever like this." She didn't mean in to be insulting but it really upset me. What did people think? That I was just quiet and no fun?
When we got back to school I started acting a little differently, a little louder, laughing more just to prove a point, thinking that I was being myself.
I soon realized that I'd been myself all along and I really didn't care what people thought about me as long as my friends know me.
It's a good feeling.

As You Slip Further Away

Growing up can be just one disappointment after another.
Every day, there's another little bit of something we used to believe in that disappears forever. It comes from learning. As we learn more and more, the magic of the unknown starts to fade, even if it's just a little thing, like knowing the number stars you can see in the sky when it used to seem infinite.
As we get older, there's less to dream about and our imaginations start to fade. It's a terrible thing, to lose one's imagination; I feel it dying inside me every day.
I remember the day I first noticed it, a few years ago. To escape my reality, I tried to take myself to another place, far, far away, but I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't hold the images in my head like I used to.
Sometimes I wonder if there's any way I could get my imagination back. Or maybe this is just the way it's supposed to be.

Looking Back

It's funny how the person we're supposed to hate is so often the person that we care most what they think. And how, when we finally teach ourselves that we in fact do not hate that person, our whole world is altered.
Looking back, nothing is as much of a big deal as it was at the time; it happened and now it's over. Everything that we've endured, the life changing events for better and for worse, aren't such a big deal. The days, weeks, months we thought we wouldn't live through, always came to an end.
I don't regret things anymore. There's no way of turning back time and we learn from our mistakes.
A great Buddhist thinker once said, "What's done is what had to be done." I have never heard words of more truth.